Bummed

So I guess this is what I always wanted this to be - an online journal for my thoughts that I can get out there in a way that I feel like maybe I'm venting, but really it's just getting everything out to no one. It gives me a way to see my life and how I feel at a particular instance without the clouds of influence and perception in my own head. And that's what this is. That's what this is when one person has looked at my blog in 6 weeks.

The narcissistic side of me just got a black eye, but then I can see my original intent and it also frees me to write whatever I truly feel without worrying about the repercussions of anyone else seeing it.

So here it is: Bummed, bummed, bummed. Tonight I am bummed. I could not have been more excited about getting a sushi dinner with the girls or one girl or any girl. The boy is traveling and there is a huge difference in making my own plans and not thinking about when I'm coming home, or waking him up or answering texts. Just me on my own. And I'm closing at the store the next two nights so this was it. Sushi dinner night. And it was canceled. And not in time to make other plans, but in time to spend $40 on sushi delivery from the closest place I could find, wait an hour on the couch and sit with the dog. (who, by the way, has already gone to bed in the other room).

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Actually, yes. I work my ass of and can't go out ever. I basically gave up my favorite food because my boyfriend is allergic. I'll spend the next two nights at work, crawling home to grab a bite to eat and crash in bed to return the next day. I had one night. Is that everyone else's problem? Not at all. Should they focus on me? No, not really. So the only thing to do is make better plans next time and pray the boy finds a reason to travel. Or just get over my issues of feeling like I have to make him happy all the time.

Chillin'

OMG, a spicy candle and the door propped open to the 70-degree morning outside, wind blowing and all the good songs on the Ipod. Does it get any better?

Part of me wants to stress about cleaning the store, getting the RA shipment out, making a PO for the new order I just placed, etc. But why stress about that? Just get it done! And in the meantime, enjoy the stunning moment from this morning.

That and enjoying positive press for the store? Is there any reason not to be smiling all day?

Healthy TV Dinner

I've spent some time scouring recipes and adapting them to what I know I like. (We're beyond slow at the store today). Because our local boys are in the playoffs and the game is this evening, I made a healthy adaptation of a TV dinner.

Chicken, cut into cubes and tossed in a mixture of whole wheat flour, parmesan cheese, paprika, garlic salt, oregano, parsley, thyme and possibly panko bread crumbs in a ziploc. Put on a baking sheet lined with foil, spray with the Misto and bake on 350.

Boil green beans and toss with onion and pancetta, salt & pepper.

And the best part...pumpkin brownies with cream cheese frosting. I don't know if I want to top with cream cheese or mix in. Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Ginger, Whole wheat flour, Canned pumpkin, buttermilk, egg (traditional cake stuff), either topped or mixed with cream cheese frosting (splenda, lemon juice, vanilla, cream cheese) and baked like a cake then cut into brownie squares.

So excited!!!

UPDATE: Everything fantastic, but the pumpkin brownies are way better with cool whip and maybe the fresh raspberries in the fridge. Cream cheese was too much for the spice of pumpkin, but the "brownie" flavor is divine!

Pig Races

I seriously just love this fat, slow brown pig. The others are racing as fast as they can and this little guy is just out to enjoy the scene.

Love him!

Conundrum Time

I'm slowly figuring out my conundrum of life - how to de-stress, stay happy, focused and social, all while in a productive and happy relationship with both myself and my significant other.

Aren't we all? Can I please meet the person who believes they have the recipe? Seriously.

So I've come up with a small way to help myself with this quandry - be a little selfish. I don't mean in the "I want one, so give it to me" sense. But in the" take time for myself and light a candle because I need it, or take a bath even though it takes up the bathroom an extra 10 minutes and tell everyone to just hush it for at least 15 minutes a day for a quiet time" kind of way. That will keep me chill and sane and in turn makes me more able to love and appreciate those around me, as well as myself. Now to actually find that time every day...

First step was to actually pay someone to professionally clean the entire apartment. And since Boo is leaving town for almost a week, I know it will stay clean at least that long. Ugh, so nice.

Great State Fair

I just got back from the State Fair. It was actually a really monumental moment for me. I've only been to the fair twice in my life, the second being this evening. And it was a perfect remedy for memories from the first time.

A couple of years ago I went to the fair for my engagement pictures. Yes, engagement pictures. They were perfect. It was like moments of happiness and an amazing love story captured in time. The real truth is that he was pissy and annoyed before the pictures were over...true to form. But it's the only memory I have of the fair - the rides, the fun house and the picture in front of the Midway.

So tonight I went with Boo and we went in style. Our friend is a Lieutenant and in charge of security for the entire shabang and got is in VIP. We were escorted to private parking and taken in the golf cart through the back entrance. Saved $45 in tickets and parking right there. We drank beer, ate sausage on a stick and split a corndog. I won a tigger-ish stuffed Tiger and we watched a pig race. (my favorite moment ever!) It was hot, tiring, crowded and perfect. Best of all, we're home on the couch, feet on the coffee table with TV and food, Misty on the floor. This time, the fair ended well. No pictures to prove it, but that's OK. I'm glad to take these steps, even if I'm the only one that ever knows the meaning in them.

Pure Relax-ment

I could not be happier in this exact moment. I found the cure for my bad moods. A bona fide fix-it, sort of a thing. I took Monday morning and got a half off massage at a 4-star hotel spa. Yes, half off. And those smart kids have left me with two more coupons, meaning I will keep returning. It's the cost of a slightly nicer than normal place with all my coupons. But, holy crap, worth it.

So I got an hour long aromatherapy massage on Monday preceded with THE fluffiest, comfiest robe ever. I want one! Then I got a manicure at the local place by the store with my favorite color "Lincoln Park after Dark." I was sore the entire rest of the day, but have not been anything but happy and relaxed ever since! It's a miracle cure!!

And tonight I found the secret to the most amazing thing ever - the perfect steak. Pretty much, my Dad and Nick & Sam's have been the only people to make me a perfect steak in my whole life. I like a crunchy outside with a rare-medium rare inside. It's actually pretty hard to make. But with the combination of Kuby's filet (buy the frozen 1-day old steak and it's half the price), Saltgrass seasoning mixed with Cavendar's Greek seasoning rubbed in with olive oil, and the cast iron grill I made the most amazing, wonderful, orgasmically fantastic filet. No man has ever made me a filet this perfect (except my Dad). I will forever take over the steak grilling.

I picked up a bottle of $7 red wine that is actually good and I'm in an absolute state of perfection! Off to bed now and then tomorrow I'll be sure and schedule the next round of massage (and pedi) at my new fav 4-star hotel spa. Ugh, heaven.