Bummed

So I guess this is what I always wanted this to be - an online journal for my thoughts that I can get out there in a way that I feel like maybe I'm venting, but really it's just getting everything out to no one. It gives me a way to see my life and how I feel at a particular instance without the clouds of influence and perception in my own head. And that's what this is. That's what this is when one person has looked at my blog in 6 weeks.

The narcissistic side of me just got a black eye, but then I can see my original intent and it also frees me to write whatever I truly feel without worrying about the repercussions of anyone else seeing it.

So here it is: Bummed, bummed, bummed. Tonight I am bummed. I could not have been more excited about getting a sushi dinner with the girls or one girl or any girl. The boy is traveling and there is a huge difference in making my own plans and not thinking about when I'm coming home, or waking him up or answering texts. Just me on my own. And I'm closing at the store the next two nights so this was it. Sushi dinner night. And it was canceled. And not in time to make other plans, but in time to spend $40 on sushi delivery from the closest place I could find, wait an hour on the couch and sit with the dog. (who, by the way, has already gone to bed in the other room).

Am I feeling sorry for myself? Actually, yes. I work my ass of and can't go out ever. I basically gave up my favorite food because my boyfriend is allergic. I'll spend the next two nights at work, crawling home to grab a bite to eat and crash in bed to return the next day. I had one night. Is that everyone else's problem? Not at all. Should they focus on me? No, not really. So the only thing to do is make better plans next time and pray the boy finds a reason to travel. Or just get over my issues of feeling like I have to make him happy all the time.