Rainy Monday

If you're going to get a Monday to sleep in, this is definitely the one to have. I forgot to set my alarm, knowing that my morning was up in the air. (Maybe it was a deliberate decision from my subconscious). After being up hours throughout the night with amazing storms, I found my eyemask and a single earplug and finally fell back into a restless sleep.

I slowly woke up, listening to the rain fall against the window and the car tires pushing the water from the street. Quiet all around. I did grab my phone and check my email - welcome to my life - but then sank back into my pillow and enjoyed the moment. I just had to see if I'd received anything about this morning.

I was supposed to speak at a local high school as a woman entrepreneur. Can you believe it? Me? I'm a real professional adult! I mean, I will be 31 in a matter of days. Ugh - that will not be mentioned again.

But the confirmation email never came, so I'll speak another day and today began relaxing in bed. Boo came in and made sure I was awake (being it was almost 9am) and I asked if he'd made coffee. He replied, "Not yet, it makes noise."

So sweet! We recently upgraded to a coffee grinder addition to our coffee routine and he didn't want to wake me up by grinding the beans. Love. This. Man.

Happy, peaceful and rainy Monday. I'm (eventually) off to shower into my comfiest Uggs, jeans and work sweatshirt attire. Then I'll put my favorite pot roast in the crock pot before heading to market to buy new accessories for the store, show up just after lunch and finish out the day. I sooo needed this after a very long, happy, exhausting and drink-heavy weekend.

Snapshot

Social Media is an interesting thing. I've been reading how parents aren't allowing their kids online because it harms self esteem and can make kids compare themselves to what they read about others online. Perhaps because I'm an adult and not in high school, I find it to be the opposite result. I have a poor self esteem issue - always have. But I've been focusing on the good in my life and doing what I need to do to make myself happy. It's working. And - this is going to sound terrible - FBland is helping.

It really became obvious while everyone's family Easter pictures popped up online last night. Kids in tights, big smiles, running around picking up eggs, big family moments. Person after person that was the hot, super fun, popular kid in high school who everyone wanted to be is now married in the burbs with multiple kids. And they look totally happy, so good for them. But it sounds like my personal version of hell. And none of those super skinny hot bodies exist anymore. None!

I, on the other hand, cooked a super healthy, diabetic Easter for my Mom, Dad, Bro and Sis in Law and Boo all in our apt! That 900 sq feet has never felt smaller, but it was perfect. I had one of those moments where I looked around the table at my amazing boyfriend and us together hosting my family in our home, and the table full of good food, the laughing, joking, drinking and got a little teary-eyed. (We polished off a few bottles). It was a moment I put on pause, took a mental picture and am carrying around with me. I couldn't have painted it better. I love my urban living, my home (which is almost fully decorated), my relationship, my business, my Misty-Miss. I am a super lucky, blessed girl and I wouldn't trade my life with anyone.

You can't see the future when you're in high school, or even college for that matter. But hopefully I can help my kids (when that time actually comes around to have them) feel confident in their decisions and the life they choose to live. I wouldn't trade places with anyone!

Mellow Yellow

Today is a day of mellow-ness. Could be the cloudiness outside; could be the music; could be the chill in the air, my exhaustion, arguing with the boy last night, crying myself to sleep... It's a mellow kind of day.

Topic One: Work

I worked ten days in a row, had one off and am back for day two in a row now. Lucky me, I get one day off tomorrow before another six in a row. I'm going to fall over. My everything hurts. But it's January and I'm in an outdoor center and people aren't shopping. I'm working because we can't afford to pay anyone else too. Although the girl that owns the store just down the way said she basically takes January off for sanity and pays other people to work just because. Maybe next year.

On my one day off tomorrow I'm taking old CDs to Half Price Books and getting a chair massage. Twenty minutes. They always have a chair massage. And then maybe they'll give me a little dough to use for my hh/half price dinner date with my friend Jill. I haven't seen Jill since she and my boyfriend's friend broke up. Oops. I'm also going to clean my car, pick up my dry cleaning and go grocery shopping. And hopefully sleep in. Maybe see a movie. It's my day. I need it desperately.

Topic Two: Friend

I love, love my super fabulous LA bestie. She was in town this last weekend and I spent every second of my off-work time with her. She was on my couch, so that's kind of obvious. I have not laughed that hard and felt that carefree and just really had fun in seriously over a year. No joke. I needed her to be here and spend time with me. I needed that release. I needed that friendship. I don't even know if we were that silly before, but I wish we were. I'd like to believe we were, even if I don't remember ever laughing that much in my life. Smiles and rainbows!

Topic Three: Fighting

Is there such a thing as healthy fighting in a relationship? I'm terrified of arguing since my last defective relationship. And the bummer is, I now feel like if I cave in or change anything about myself, then I'm going to automatically spiral into another controlling and abusive situation. So we argue. And I won't budge.

He always caves. He's sweet. And he wants everything to be OK. And he loves me. And I always let go and maybe even change an inch, but there has to be something negative about all the arguing. Yes - we opened a business. Yes - we moved in together. Yes - I'm sick. Yes - we're under constant financial stress. So we have a lot going on. More than any other dating couple I know. The crap we're dealing with is, like, year five plus of marriage. But I just want it to be easier. And I want to stop arguing.

Again, is there a healthy way to fight? Or can a relationship still be considered healthy if there's a lot of arguing?

Sipping coffee, listening to U2, sore, tired, incredibly achey. Mellow.

Successful Fooding

The holidays are here. I have bypassed my Bah Humbug, but am not quite at Happy Holidays yet. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle with a massive stressed out to do list and nothing in my bank account. It pushes the mood back towards Bah Humbug quite easily, but... I'm working on it, people!

Thanksgiving has come and gone, but I will call it a successful food endeavor. Food is a touch dicey for me at times, given the whole medical condition thing, but I survived. It was possibly questionable at times, but I learned a couple lessons and am all the better for it. I shall explain.

I made the best healthy sides. Last year I conquered the whole meal due to a last minute hospital trip for my Mamaw, but this year was spent with Boo & Co at the lake. So I made sides. I had to make sides. I was faced with casserole and die-if-you-eat-casserole and might-not-want-to-risk-it-casserole. I will admit, topped with the fact that it was my first Thanksgiving not with any of my own family or friends, I was upset. I feel like there are a handful of places in the world I can expect that I don't have to work so hard to be "normal." That there will be something for me to eat just because. I know I'm different and it's not everyone else's problem. But this was one of those places. (Expectations will bite you every time. Ouch.)

I shed a couple tears; I called my Mom for a "missing home" talk and moved on. What other choice did I have? So I made my own mashed cauliflower and cider-cinnamon sweet potatoes. They were good. They were actually great. And I had seconds of both, tossed the rest (as no one else enjoyed my personal sides) and lost 4 lbs over the last week.

Yup - you read that right.

So that's my successful fooding reward. Suck it up. Move on. Take care of your self so that you can enjoy the time with everyone and the conversation and know that you are losing weight while everyone else is gaining. That's right.

Anniversary Day

Today is my double anniversary. It's a gorgeous day with crisp Fall air and I'm rocking my Rangers shirt and cream suede croc boots. It's my boots first day out of the box this season and they do not disappoint.

Two years ago today, Boo and I sat at The Quarter and over a Tito's and a glass of red wine I said, "So I guess you're kind of my boyfriend." We'd been dating for four months, but due to other circumstances in life I wouldn't claim him until I knew for absolute sure. And Oct 28th, 2008, I knew. And he ran with it.

Last year on this same day, I sat at the doctor's office with my Mom after months of sickness, issues and feeling absolutely terrible almost every minute of every day and was diagnosed with Type-1 Diabetes. Happy Anniversary.

I'm celebrating my one year with a 5K and the 2 fundraisers I've done over this last year for the ADA. And I'm celebrating the second - well, I hope we celebrate. I'm at work now and we're meeting at The Quarter to watch baseball. It is the biggest series of the year and our team is playing so I get it. But I do hope there's more to it than this. I left post it notes all over the house with the million reasons I love him (in his bathroom drawer, on the mirror, on the Splenda jar, on the front door, on his computer, on the dog's collar, on his car, etc) and he doesn't know yet, but I also got a gift certificate for dinner at our new favorite "affordable" restaurant up by the store.

So Happy Double Anniversary to me. I've survived the last two years and changed physically, mentally and emotionally - all for the better.

Cheers!

Joyous Occasion

Holy toes hurt, batman. I have been on my feet all day. And even though I'm in my comfy flat boots, I am tired. I've sold 4.8x goal for the day and caught us back up for the month after a tornado-y, rainy, no sale weekend. Thanks for that whole "biggest baseball game of the year" thing Rangers. It's paying my rent in sales!

But there is way more to be excited about than that. This week on Thursday I will have been a Type-1 diabetic for one year. As well, I will have been in a happy, healthy relationship for two years. Both on the same day. And Saturday I walk a 5K for the ADA and have beat my fundraising goals already. Also, I just learned my favoritest, cheap NYC store is opening locally Fall of next year AND I have a trip to NYC next weekend!

My bestie and I have been emailing plans back and forth. So far I land Sat morning (used points) and we head to brunch with the old Jones crew. Then we wander and do whatever, hit up a local new wine bar just opened in Billyburg and find a neighborhood for drinks that night so I can let anyone and everyone know to say hello! Sunday we do a nice dinner the two of us and I have all day Monday to wander, shop, grab street meat and just enjoy being back. I miss that city so much I could cry (& have).

And the store is a real, true store. It's actually working and coming together and we're getting press and word of mouth is spreading like wildfire. I would never have had the guts to do this or the motivation without Boo; well, and actually without diabetes. When you have to change everything about your life into a fight for survival you learn that you can fight for anything and my dreams were worth fighting for. What a great year.

Yes, the true calendar starts over at NYE every year, but for me I'm about to turn a year old. And I couldn't be happier about this last year and where it's brought me personally, socially, romantically - everything! So I suppose Happy Bday to me. I'm going to celebrate right now by closing up shop, going home, ordering in from our fav local tapas restaurant and curling up on the couch for some DVR with the boy.

Conundrum Time

I'm slowly figuring out my conundrum of life - how to de-stress, stay happy, focused and social, all while in a productive and happy relationship with both myself and my significant other.

Aren't we all? Can I please meet the person who believes they have the recipe? Seriously.

So I've come up with a small way to help myself with this quandry - be a little selfish. I don't mean in the "I want one, so give it to me" sense. But in the" take time for myself and light a candle because I need it, or take a bath even though it takes up the bathroom an extra 10 minutes and tell everyone to just hush it for at least 15 minutes a day for a quiet time" kind of way. That will keep me chill and sane and in turn makes me more able to love and appreciate those around me, as well as myself. Now to actually find that time every day...

First step was to actually pay someone to professionally clean the entire apartment. And since Boo is leaving town for almost a week, I know it will stay clean at least that long. Ugh, so nice.

Great State Fair

I just got back from the State Fair. It was actually a really monumental moment for me. I've only been to the fair twice in my life, the second being this evening. And it was a perfect remedy for memories from the first time.

A couple of years ago I went to the fair for my engagement pictures. Yes, engagement pictures. They were perfect. It was like moments of happiness and an amazing love story captured in time. The real truth is that he was pissy and annoyed before the pictures were over...true to form. But it's the only memory I have of the fair - the rides, the fun house and the picture in front of the Midway.

So tonight I went with Boo and we went in style. Our friend is a Lieutenant and in charge of security for the entire shabang and got is in VIP. We were escorted to private parking and taken in the golf cart through the back entrance. Saved $45 in tickets and parking right there. We drank beer, ate sausage on a stick and split a corndog. I won a tigger-ish stuffed Tiger and we watched a pig race. (my favorite moment ever!) It was hot, tiring, crowded and perfect. Best of all, we're home on the couch, feet on the coffee table with TV and food, Misty on the floor. This time, the fair ended well. No pictures to prove it, but that's OK. I'm glad to take these steps, even if I'm the only one that ever knows the meaning in them.

Fashion & Food

My entire life has existed around fashion and food lately. It's like the most perfect two things ever. Maybe that's why I finally feel relaxed in life. (Or it could be my new girl I hired majored in psychology and is slowly unwinding my issues).

Tonight - a menu of pesto chicken on the grill and then baked with mozzarella cheese with a side of spinach and pine nut spaghetti made from skinny spaghetti , spinach, garlic, pine nuts and a sauce of chicken stock, corn starch and parmesan cheese. I made it up! I'm so excited. And last nights dinner was phenomenal. It's an Italian chicken and pasta a made a while back and it still was the best thing ever the second time around.

I also spent this last week in Vegas at market and abso-freaking-lutely loved it. It was like I was fashion starved and now I'm filled. More later. And then a fashion show/happy hour. I bought a new Kate style clutch, but for like $30. I mean, life is fantasticness in a bottle of wine.

I hadn't written in a while and have a tendency to be a bit dark, twisty and slightly moody so I thought a happy update was overdue.

Off to finish dinner, finish my bottle of Ruffino, snuggle with my honey and enjoy the foosball on the telly.

Cheers!

Calm, quiet start

I'm not superstitious, but I will say that every Friday the 13th things go wrong. It just so happens that way every time, but I'm not a freaky friday sort of believer. Swear. I think that this year, Thursday was my Fri the 13th. And since it was just yesterday, perhaps I'll have a great day today. After yesterday, I deserve it. Ugh...yesterday.

I'm sitting in bed with coffee and morning TV, cutting coupons and about to place a super important phone call regarding paychecks. Boo turned my alarm off and went into work for me and even told me not to rush! Ugh, amazing man. He takes care of me better than I could ask.

OK - phone call ready. Today is NOT going to be my traditional Fri the 13th. It's not. But just in case, that's why I haven't gotten out of bed yet.

Days Gone By

I was engaged three years ago today. Or tonight. In Paris. I wouldn't have even made the connection if a friend wasn't living in Paris for a year and posted that it was Bastille Day.

The Eiffel Tower was beautiful. It was seriously breath-taking. Minus the arguing and bleeding feet from hiking miles in heels in extreme, humid heat, it was a really special moment. I can't take away from what it felt like to look at someone & feel that security of forever. I will say that going through it and feeling all of those emotions and having it fall apart makes it difficult to want to do it again.

I actually desire to be engaged. I'm not sure about married...yet. But I do want to be engaged. I hope it can still be a truly special moment that stands on its own and isn't reminiscent of days past...

The Southern Life

It's been so long since I sat down with my blog that I actually had to go see what I wrote last. I will admit, my last post was following two bottles of wine (not by myself). Hence how I left my phone on the table and walked away. Problem has since been solved.

Life has been so freaking busy. I like busy. I love busy. But I am definitely busy. If this store thing works out, this is the best job ever. If not, I am so up debt creek without a paddle. There is product everywhere piled in and out of boxes and strewn across rolling racks. I've lost my dining room table to the battle.

Today was another fun day of business ownership. My best gal Hot Jen and I went back to market and picked out more fantabulous accessories. We're dangerously good together at this shopping thing.

This is what about $1000 of accessories at retail looks like. All on my bed. And waiting to be entered into a POS. I wish it was waiting for me to go shopping. It's all so fun! But not for me. I only picked out one thing today....for now. I want about three more...

Life is funny. I have been through such a ridiculous roller coaster over the last couple years. 2007 seems like a decade ago. I can't believe I haven't even been back in Dallas three years. As it gets hotter out, I'm reminded of what it felt like to return from NYC. I was so used to being completely independent, coming and going when and how I want with everything accessible at all times. Then I was relegated to a car, shopping in major grocery stores, nothing specialty, nowhere to walk, having to make plans to entertain myself. I remember sitting in the pool trying to figure out how to slow down.

I went through a really rough phase when things fizzled early 2008. I made some mistakes, partied like mad (nothing compared to NYC, but then again, nothing compares to NYC), and threw myself into work, running away from any real friends. I tried to save my bad relationship for 9 months, almost missing out on the amazing man I have now.

Because of that man, I'm now putting myself out there to make new girl friends again; to really trust and invest in people. I am still a selfish brat, but I'm getting better...I think. And after a layoff, losing my Papaw, diagnosis, surgery, and every other crappy and terrible thing that's happened to me in the last year, I'm stronger than ever and opening my own business. He refuses to let me feel sorry for myself, no matter what happens.

Now I'm no sunshine and roses girl. I'm a cynical little bitch. However, my nails are currently watermelon pink and there's almost as much color in my closet as black. But I say that's just because it's trendy. I'm still a little dark and twisty.

Boat Baby

Misty is a prima donna city dog. She prances in walks, pees on sidewalks and refuses to get wet. However, she just spent 4 days running, sweating, playing, rolling around and generally stinking...and loving it.

We took Misty to Conroe to spend some time with Boo's family. It was their anniversary, his Mom's bday and near Mother's Day. The trifecta of "must visit." It was a weekend of Houston humidity, miles of walks, lots of food, playing in the backyard and a boat ride. Add in dinner out, a business meeting and laying by the pool and you actually have my visit as well.

My princess has converted to an outdoor pooch! However, she seemed quite pleased to have a bath this morning and had no problem curling up in the backseat on the way home, smelling lovely. In fact, she stood at the back door and cried as we packed the car. So at least she still has a heart for the city.

And one of the humans:

I think I can, I think I can

It's going to be a good day. Slept in until 8:30 while the boyfriend had a breakfast meeting. Jumped out of bed and haven't looked back. In one hour I've unpacked both our bags from this past weekend, sorted all the laundry, done dishes, unpacked our recent order, put away the rolling rack from the living room floor (been there for a week) and got the stuff ready for my meeting this afternoon.

Lunch date with a bestie on a beautiful, sunny, almost 60-degree day, coffee in hand in an on-the-way-to-clean apt. I'm feeling motivated. Now let's just hope I keep it. (I made a to do list while eating my yogurt and whole grain english muffin this morning, just in case).

I loaded my external hard drive with my old ITunes from the last 2 computers and transferred to my new one and synced the IPhone. I even got the mini piles put away from the bedroom floor since I moved in! Now I can bring in one of the two boxes from my car that I still haven't even brought in since moving.

When I get low I'll just repeat my mantra, I think I can, I think I can. And then take a swig of my Sofia can I bought at Cork the other day. Champagne in a can. Genius!

Stop looking at me, Swan

LISTENING TO: CORINNE BAILEY RAE


I am claustrophobic. Not like I regularly have trouble breathing in small spaces, but as in my current environment is closing in around me. I can see the dust on things. I feel the clutter piling up and see the residue on the counters. It feels like everything is closing in around me and I am about to explode!

I always do this every so often. It isn't anything a good clean won't fix; however, I am spoiled and would like a cleaning lady to do a deep scrub of the apt. I am great at cleaning my own place, but now I live with a boy and he is like the dusty kid on Charlie Brown. Crap lands everywhere he stands. It's actually quite unbelievable. And I cannot keep the place clean with him in it. It's driving me claustrophobic!!

And I am way the hell too broke to pay a cleaning lady. Is there a holiday coming up I can ask that as my present? Otherwise, I will be spending my evening and part of my day tomorrow with a feather duster, a vacuum and some Comet. Good thing my nails are already chipping from my last attempt at an at-home manicure last week.

Until I break down and just do it myself (yet again), I am GOING CRAZY over here in the mess. I see it everywhere and it's distracting me. No, I can't finish that email or make that call because the dirt is mocking me. The dog is even gross. GROSS!

Stop looking at me! Ugh, I've lost it.