Mellow Yellow

Today is a day of mellow-ness. Could be the cloudiness outside; could be the music; could be the chill in the air, my exhaustion, arguing with the boy last night, crying myself to sleep... It's a mellow kind of day.

Topic One: Work

I worked ten days in a row, had one off and am back for day two in a row now. Lucky me, I get one day off tomorrow before another six in a row. I'm going to fall over. My everything hurts. But it's January and I'm in an outdoor center and people aren't shopping. I'm working because we can't afford to pay anyone else too. Although the girl that owns the store just down the way said she basically takes January off for sanity and pays other people to work just because. Maybe next year.

On my one day off tomorrow I'm taking old CDs to Half Price Books and getting a chair massage. Twenty minutes. They always have a chair massage. And then maybe they'll give me a little dough to use for my hh/half price dinner date with my friend Jill. I haven't seen Jill since she and my boyfriend's friend broke up. Oops. I'm also going to clean my car, pick up my dry cleaning and go grocery shopping. And hopefully sleep in. Maybe see a movie. It's my day. I need it desperately.

Topic Two: Friend

I love, love my super fabulous LA bestie. She was in town this last weekend and I spent every second of my off-work time with her. She was on my couch, so that's kind of obvious. I have not laughed that hard and felt that carefree and just really had fun in seriously over a year. No joke. I needed her to be here and spend time with me. I needed that release. I needed that friendship. I don't even know if we were that silly before, but I wish we were. I'd like to believe we were, even if I don't remember ever laughing that much in my life. Smiles and rainbows!

Topic Three: Fighting

Is there such a thing as healthy fighting in a relationship? I'm terrified of arguing since my last defective relationship. And the bummer is, I now feel like if I cave in or change anything about myself, then I'm going to automatically spiral into another controlling and abusive situation. So we argue. And I won't budge.

He always caves. He's sweet. And he wants everything to be OK. And he loves me. And I always let go and maybe even change an inch, but there has to be something negative about all the arguing. Yes - we opened a business. Yes - we moved in together. Yes - I'm sick. Yes - we're under constant financial stress. So we have a lot going on. More than any other dating couple I know. The crap we're dealing with is, like, year five plus of marriage. But I just want it to be easier. And I want to stop arguing.

Again, is there a healthy way to fight? Or can a relationship still be considered healthy if there's a lot of arguing?

Sipping coffee, listening to U2, sore, tired, incredibly achey. Mellow.

Let me just get this off my chest:

My new car and I would like to get something out there. It was a burden for the Jeep, but is a super pain now that I have a sportier car that has a desire to take on the open road. So, therefore, this must be said:

If you can't operate your vehicle at or above the speed limit, please remove yourself from the left lane.

If you can't maintain speed, utilize cruise control. Do not fly past me and then allow me to run up on you like a roadrunner on a snail.

If you're texting on your phone, get off the road - at least get off the road that I'm on.

Now, I've noticed that when I leave for work on time there's less traffic on the road. This allows me to never use my brakes, get here in 20 minutes and lose the lockjaw and neck tension that comes from driving on the road with the idiots on the tollroad around 9:30AM. But that's for me to take up with myself.

When the road isn't cluttered with incredibly stupid people, I am able to enjoy my satelite radio comfy seat with bun warmer. Otherwise, I miss out on the great music opportunities, too focused on getting to work in less than 40 minutes trying to drive around the brainless operators surrounding me.

So - general public - stop being so entitled. Well, stop being so entitled in general, but definitely on the road. There are a lot of other people out there with you. Act like it. Pay attention. And start thinking about someone else out there and how your incredibly bad driving affects so many other people in a day.

Happy

I'm happy. And that makes me happy.

Let me explain.

I've spent almost a year feeling like I couldn't be happy. That even when things were fun and I was enjoying myself, I was struggling under the pressure of all the stress in my life. So many things had happened to and around me that it was hard to feel happy or excited about anything. Everything, including getting dressed in the morning or drinks with friends, felt like crossing off a to do list. So to truly feel happy - which I have on more than one occasion over the last couple weeks - is something that in and of itself makes me happy!

I'm able to get that elated feel with a favorite song, happy memories from certain melodies. I'm enjoying work, no matter the hours. I'm looking forward to a night with friends, celebrating this last year. I enjoy cooking again and creating something new in the kitchen. I had relegated to leftovers and ordering in. No more.

Just today - I woke up and made my cinnamon hazelnut coffee (happy) and got dressed in my Uggs and a super cute leggings and BCBG tank with Rory earrings and Iisli cardi (happy). I listened to a fav song on repeat while driving my new car (happy). I'm watching NFL playoffs drinking tea at work (happy) and ordering really cute clothes for the store for each winning team (happy). I made a sugar free jello, fresh fruit, cool whip, rum dessert last night to share with friends (happy) and am taking it to Slideshow tonight (super happy). And next weekend is wedding fun for a close friend and the weekend after for another and my bestie from LA comes in town to visit (happy, happy, happy).

Being happy makes me so happy!

Winter Quiet

The awning shudders in the wind.

The bushes hang heavy under the pressure of the ice.

Inside the heater tries to overcome the chill seeping from around the door and windows.

The Christmas lights wrapped tight around the trees outside seem abandoned. Darkened for the winter.

Hands shoved deep into pockets, heads down, swaddled in coats, gloves, scarves and boots, people hasten to their location, eager to get back indoors.

Even the music is melancholy.

It's quiet up here.

Quiet.

Cheers!

Cheers to a New Year full of hope and promise, prosperity and adventure. My New Years Resolutions:

1) Stress less

2) Take care of myself (eat right, healthy exercise, less stress)

3) Appreciate the relationships in my life

Now let's talk #3: I haven't had many girl friends in my life that I will forever hold onto. In fact, there are two chicas camped out in NYC and one in LA, but other than that, I face constant disappointment and issues with women in my life. So, with new women as the girlfriends, fiances and wives of Boo's friends, I will focus on building genuine relationships with them. As well as Boo. Our lives are so full of chaos and stress with everything thrown at us in the last year that if we've made it this far, we will make it forever. But we take each other for granted and aren't always as nice as we could be. And we don't focus really on our relationship all the time, instead of just living together and working together and waking up and going to bed. The end.

So here it is 2011: my self betterment resolutions are going to end up focusing on other people and truly getting to know them, spend time with them and invest in them. Making myself trust in people and put myself out there in order to build new relationships and grow current friendships into something great.

What's yours?

Here She Is!

Meet Norah, my new Jetta. Or rather, Nora is the woman inside of my new Jetta that talks to me. My new fabulous bluetooth that I'm learning. Norah is certainly polite, but she definitely does not know what I am asking her to do....ever! She's almost called people on my call list that I weren't even sure were still there! And her pronunciation is so far off I can't comprehend the people she's apparently calling correctly. We don't get along so well. But we will. I leased her for four years, so we have some time to get to know one another.

Isn't she beautiful? She's a dark grey with a black leatherette interior. Yes, leatherette, which is apparently the standard in all Audi's and BMW's now as well. So rock on with that leatherette! It smells amazing and the seat is so comfortable and it has touchscreen Satellite radio!! I just can't. Coffeehouse and I are getting along fabulously (much better than Norah and me). Sunroof open, seat back with the bun warmer on; Misty even curled up in the seat, sniffing the air every now and then, taking in the scent.

I feel like such an adult in my new car, but this thing is sporty. The suspension is tight and it can zip and zoom. I love, love it. And did I mention that it smells incredible?

The Jeep was my final piece to my past that I unloaded. I read a quote today from a friend saying that you should unload something from the past every day. Well, this year I unloaded a car! And it feels so good. (and smells even better).

I'm a Pro

Go ahead. Ask me anything about fashion. I am a fashion professional. I am not only hosting an intern from the local university this next semester, teaching them the ways about the fashion world and how to run your own store, but I have now been asked to speak as a professional to the local high school!! Yikes! But so super cool.

Nice pat on the back. I must say...

Foreign World

OMG. I had a nervous breakdown last night. I am trying to buy a new car and I must say - holy stressful, Batman! I spent six hours Friday test driving and looking and pretty much landed on a car. I've been in an SUV for a decade and I love it, but I need better fuel efficiency and gas ain't gettin' any cheaper. I am also poor and recovering from a poor credit background. Not so much anymore, but they still don't like me too much at banks.

So here's the deal: I am a brat and want what I want. I want to be comfortable with my seat warmer, I must have a sun roof. Bluetooth and IPod are fairly standard on newer cars. So there we have it. I've landed on a dealership of choice and a car of choice, and then they show me the upgrade with the Navigation. Seriously? Now I want that one. I want my car to talk to me! But I can't afford it.

Three plus hours of sitting in an office, crunching numbers, going back and forth, I finally walked out. I couldn't do it. It was too much. I held my breath, got my keys back and bawled as I walked to my Jeep. It was so overwhelming. Today, I try again. I'm holding out and waiting for them to contact me with a better offer. If not, I will eventually call and accept the original car I wanted (minus Nav).

See, I just had my car appraised and I thought it was worth about $8500. Turns out it's more like $5000. And I owe $10000. Shit. They practically offered what I thought it was worth, gave me a 4.9% interest rate and I just can't walk away. No one else is going to find me as attractive.

So, German engineering, I hope to be driving you to my place this evening. The suspension was tight, the seat comfortable, the acceleration amazing. I hope there isn't a speeding ticket in my future. But I'm ready for some Satellite radio, sunroof and seat heater and a cruise on the highway tonight.

Bring it!