One Year Ago

Holy crizzity! It's been a year. One year ago next Friday I opened the doors. (Scotty would be so upset I didn't say "we"). This place doesn't even look the same. It's unbelievable how much we've grown! Somewhere in there the store has done phenomenal, it's truly successful, and I have personally fallen apart.

I've put everything I have - actual blood, sweat and many many tears - into this last year to get where we are and in the meantime have lost touch with friends, broken down a relationship, parted ways even with my parents a bit and lost and re-found myself. It's the re-finding part that makes me so happy.

I've had a saying in my bedroom forever - Things fall apart so that things can fall together. I fell apart and now I'm coming back together. I opened up my old laptop from 2 years ago and went through all the pictures and couldn't believe the person I saw. There was this bold, happy beautiful girl that was confident, loving, supported, friendly and outgoing. I forgot about her. It's about time she made an appearance again. The most important things about her were her faith and her support system. So Plan Find Me begins with more commitment to getting up Sunday morning and finding a small group and investing in my own happiness. And in that, I get the feeling my broken down relationship will find a bandaid.

One year. Geesh.

Social Bird

I was a total social bird this weekend, living it up in high style and I loved it! I bailed out of work Friday evening around 6pm. This is nuts-o early for me and I couldn't have been happier to get home!

I gathered some bubbly, a little Skinnygirl and my comfy clothes and headed to Girl's night at my friend's fancy condo. We drank wine and bubbles and watched a plethora of chick flicks, snacked and gossiped and I couldn't have been happier.

The weekend continued with brunch with the girls, an hour nap and then the swanky kicked in. My parents were kicking it at the Ritz for a friend's 50th anniversary party, so I met my Dad for more bubbly at the hotel bar, raced home after doing my Mom's makeup and the boy and I were taken to dinner at my former fav restaurant. (It was my fav before the scene of the big break-up by the fountain. Now it's just another place). Live music, martinis, bottle of wine, filet - heaven!

Swanky brunch back at the hotel, a ride in a Bentley back home and then off to the horse races. The entire weekend was relaxing, laid back, fun with friends and exactly what I needed. I even managed to clean the apt, fit in a spray tan and do dinner on the patio last night. Darn-it being back to work. But super yeah to be able to breathe after a year of nothing but work!

Brunchtime Fun

I love Sunday Brunch. I might love Sat Brunch a little more, because I kind of wish I'd gone to church on Sunday. Regardless - I love Brunch. It's a weekly NYC tradition for the masses, but here it's harder to find. And I have found a new fav location.

I will always love the little Italian house, but it's such a scene. I mean - hours of a wait amongst the pretty people. Gross. But the food is good and the mimosas are $1. Well, now I have a new favorite place. It's off the beaten path, as yet undiscovered and has $2 mimosas and an amazing affordable menu. I couldn't have a bigger crush.

Sunday, my best girls and I did it in style. We had a good brunch and enjoyed company. But then three of us remained for HOURS, making friends with everyone on the patio, enjoying the lovliness that is champagne and oj.

This is one of my best friends Jen. I love Jen. We call her Hot Jen. You can see why. But this is not Jen's dog. And the guy in the background? Actually laughing at the fact that Jen is claiming and loving on someone else's dog as her own. You could say we had fun.

Mellow Yellow

Today is a day of mellow-ness. Could be the cloudiness outside; could be the music; could be the chill in the air, my exhaustion, arguing with the boy last night, crying myself to sleep... It's a mellow kind of day.

Topic One: Work

I worked ten days in a row, had one off and am back for day two in a row now. Lucky me, I get one day off tomorrow before another six in a row. I'm going to fall over. My everything hurts. But it's January and I'm in an outdoor center and people aren't shopping. I'm working because we can't afford to pay anyone else too. Although the girl that owns the store just down the way said she basically takes January off for sanity and pays other people to work just because. Maybe next year.

On my one day off tomorrow I'm taking old CDs to Half Price Books and getting a chair massage. Twenty minutes. They always have a chair massage. And then maybe they'll give me a little dough to use for my hh/half price dinner date with my friend Jill. I haven't seen Jill since she and my boyfriend's friend broke up. Oops. I'm also going to clean my car, pick up my dry cleaning and go grocery shopping. And hopefully sleep in. Maybe see a movie. It's my day. I need it desperately.

Topic Two: Friend

I love, love my super fabulous LA bestie. She was in town this last weekend and I spent every second of my off-work time with her. She was on my couch, so that's kind of obvious. I have not laughed that hard and felt that carefree and just really had fun in seriously over a year. No joke. I needed her to be here and spend time with me. I needed that release. I needed that friendship. I don't even know if we were that silly before, but I wish we were. I'd like to believe we were, even if I don't remember ever laughing that much in my life. Smiles and rainbows!

Topic Three: Fighting

Is there such a thing as healthy fighting in a relationship? I'm terrified of arguing since my last defective relationship. And the bummer is, I now feel like if I cave in or change anything about myself, then I'm going to automatically spiral into another controlling and abusive situation. So we argue. And I won't budge.

He always caves. He's sweet. And he wants everything to be OK. And he loves me. And I always let go and maybe even change an inch, but there has to be something negative about all the arguing. Yes - we opened a business. Yes - we moved in together. Yes - I'm sick. Yes - we're under constant financial stress. So we have a lot going on. More than any other dating couple I know. The crap we're dealing with is, like, year five plus of marriage. But I just want it to be easier. And I want to stop arguing.

Again, is there a healthy way to fight? Or can a relationship still be considered healthy if there's a lot of arguing?

Sipping coffee, listening to U2, sore, tired, incredibly achey. Mellow.

Cheers!

Cheers to a New Year full of hope and promise, prosperity and adventure. My New Years Resolutions:

1) Stress less

2) Take care of myself (eat right, healthy exercise, less stress)

3) Appreciate the relationships in my life

Now let's talk #3: I haven't had many girl friends in my life that I will forever hold onto. In fact, there are two chicas camped out in NYC and one in LA, but other than that, I face constant disappointment and issues with women in my life. So, with new women as the girlfriends, fiances and wives of Boo's friends, I will focus on building genuine relationships with them. As well as Boo. Our lives are so full of chaos and stress with everything thrown at us in the last year that if we've made it this far, we will make it forever. But we take each other for granted and aren't always as nice as we could be. And we don't focus really on our relationship all the time, instead of just living together and working together and waking up and going to bed. The end.

So here it is 2011: my self betterment resolutions are going to end up focusing on other people and truly getting to know them, spend time with them and invest in them. Making myself trust in people and put myself out there in order to build new relationships and grow current friendships into something great.

What's yours?

It did not disappoint

I spent last weekend in NYC and it was awesome! My fantabulous Boo got up basically in the middle of the night to take me to the airport and see me off to spend some time with my girls. And spend time we did. Brunch at new West Village hotspot August, spotting celebs on the street, walking aimlessly through the historic streets, wandering in and out of unique and cute shops, stores and boutiques. I was starved for urban, fashionable, independent life and I got it!

We curled up on the couch with a bottle of red to wait out the night, chatted and had good girly time. Then painted the town with old friends, ending at Cibar - the most awesome, fabulous, fantastic martini bar outside of Union Square. I can't believe it's still there, considering I went 6 years ago!

Sunday was full of walking, shopping, mimosas, more champagne, wine, wine and a little more wine. The best and cutest that Brooklyn has to offer. I love it! Even though the weather SUCKED on Monday, it was still a day of friends, memories and great food.

I super miss that city, but I triple miss my friends. And I'm glad to have had the break so I feel fashionably and personally invigorated for my own version of reality down here in the South.

and 3, and 2, and 1...

My nails are "Lincoln Park After Dark", my Uggs are cleaned (and I'm breaking them in today), my new Kors Michael Kors red peacoat a la Costco is by the wayside on the ready and my cutest leggings tops and tunics have been folded.

Just 8 more hours of work to go (already concquered 1) and it's time!! NYC! NYC! Chant with me now...NYC!

Off to tie up some loose ends at work and entrust the store to my trusty busty sidekick. Some last minute sales training and motivating and hopefully the store will pull out of its current hole while I'm gone. Probably not - but maybe. But I will be in NYC with my best friends, enjoying time just hanging out, laughing, catching up and walking around. I'm going to be a tourist with my camera; I want to bring as much of the city back with me as I can.

This is the most excited I've been for anything in years. Years, people. It's just so friggin' exciting!!

Yes, yes, yes

I am going to NYC in less than 48 hours!!! Stoked! I'm stoked. I haven't been back in 2...almost 3 years. I need this. I truly need to get back to that city, where I felt completely secure and confident (for the most part). Where I found myself. I don't mean in some cheesy made for tv movie way, but in a real and honest way. I spent my life being what everyone around me wanted or needed and there I was me. I worried about me. I loved my friends and roommates; I pushed my personal boundaries and really became comfortable in my own skin. I wish everyone had an opportunity to know themselves as well as I did in NYC.

And I'm getting to go back. To breathe again. And see my girls. And feel completely free for just a couple days. I know the decisions I make when I'm in NYC are truly my decisions - free from the pressure of wondering what someone else thinks. I am just so blissfully anticipatory.

And I got new boots for the occasion, which I have a severe crush on. I bought them outright. No sale. No coupon. No discount store. Not my style at all, but it felt good. So my boots and I are going to NYC, in less than 48 hours.

Fantastic Relaxation

This was a great weekend. Three days of 4th festivities with friends, all feeling a bit on the grown-up side. I sincerely loved it. And I even found myself able to relax enough by Monday evening to look around and take a deep breathe, appreciative of the evening. For the most part, I spend events either running around taking care of things or feeling on the outside. Since reading my highly mentioned book, I'm doing better about both.

My self esteem isn't based on others perceptions of me.

Saturday Boo's parents came in to toast the new store and check out what we're up to. After a long day with them we headed to Addison for our recently married friends. It was a casual get-together with burgers, beer, fun times and then fireworks. We hiked to a nearby bridge to watch the local shenanigans.

Sunday we hosted the pool portion of the weekend, but it was really so calm and quiet. The ladies lounged in the sun and the guys sat around the food. You know you've reached adulthood when there's more food (and gourmet food) than beer at your parties. I made a tomato, basil, bell pepper salad tossed in olive oil, balsamic vinegar, lemon zest, salt and pepper. And a low fat ricotta processed with lemon juice, Splenda and vanilla extract, topped with fresh berries in lemon juice and Splenda. And firecracker burgers made with cayenne, spicy mustard and red onions. The other ladies contributed slow roasted pulled pork, "potato" salad made with cauliflower and taboulleh. So exciting!

We finished off the weekend with a couples viewing of the Bachelorette and a rooftop hotdog cookout. It sincerely couldn't have been a better weekend leading up to a crazy week of store-ness.

Birthday Weekend

It has all come to a close. And for as amazing, fantastic and downright ridiculous my birthday was, it has ended on an unfortunate note. My silly procedure left me using "diapers" (pads) when needed until all healed, which just takes time. And today I woke up to Aunt Flo and now instead of laying by the pool or walking on the trail, I'm lying in bed in a "diaper!" I'll do it for the healing. The last thing I need is complications in childbirth - if life so deems I need a rugrat of my own - we'll see.

But the grand weekend was great. I had lots of fun, got to see friends, drink, laugh, drink, dance and drink. Forsaking details, it was the craziness of 1/2 a decade ago. It's apparently a great way to ring in a new year on a landmark birthday, but I'm ready to go back to normal.

Is it terrible to say, or perhaps a result of PMS, that I had more fun with 3-4 girls watching a movie than I did with 25 friends raging at the pool all day. I suffer from expectations, where I expected a fun day at the pool of music, laying out, sun and friends. Instead I ran around cleaning, taking care of everyone, sitting in the shade with my parents and not talking to any of my friends. I never got in the water. I didn't get any sun. I was the only sober person and I found myself losing half my time stuck in conversations with the friends of friends that showed up instead of people I wanted. I definitely made up for it and had a great birthday night hitting up my first Dallas Club, the usual bar across the street and drank and drank and drank and drank. The next day was tough, but I survived in bed with 5 hours of Housewives of NYC.

Last night a handful of friends went to watch the truly stylish and fabulous lives of those in SATC2. Loved it! It's a perfect movie of escapism. That's the point of the show. A life to aspire to, yet relate. Relatable story lines within their individual lives even though the events surrounding are surreal and over the top.

I think next year, hoping there might be a house involved, there can be a quiet romantic dinner at home and a house party with cake and friends and board games. Yup, that's what I want.

So today - in the "diaper" - I'm changing the sheets, doing the laundry, cleaning the apt and working. Tonight I'll make dinner and have an overall relaxing and normal day.

Cheers!

Fantastic Night In

Last week I had a great night with my best girl and my new boyfriend. She perfectly captured the night so I have to share her pictures.

It's All Coming Together

Tomorrow is my first event since NYE. Ironically, I met the D Mag writer that covered my NYE event and got me such a great turnout at coffee this morning.  - Side bar. I heart the local coffee shop in trendy East-ish Dallas. I've been a handful of times now and this morning was the best. I met my super cute friend Tiffany for coffee and we ended up running into her D Mag friend (the aforementioned) and a sweet eavesdropper who not only donated to tomorrow's event, but put me in touch with her friend, the TV reporter, who might cover the event. Side bar over. -

I'm expecting a great turnout tomorrow. Not only is that great for the ADA, but if 21 people show up, I can cover my month's remaining expenses from the $5 I make per ticket. I think twice that is coming. Yeah for savings! Being a small business owner is fun and all, but not very lucrative in the beginning.

I have 16 raffles to give out in 2 hours ranging from $50-$325, all willingly donated by friends and strangers, all that think tomorrow is a good event for an even better cause!

I'm bubbling with excitement! Thank God, I needed a good day. This weekend was full of gross weather, cold, sweats, arguements trapped indoors together too long, insomnia and working at my computer the whole damn weekend. Ciao, cyber friends. I have a massage in an hour and mucho work to finish on an SBA application.

Party in the USA

So apparently I'm still capable of a hangover. However (thankfully) they are subtle and caused by a minimal amount of adult beverages. No matter that cause, I did not want to get out of bed this morning and am still walking around with my eyes half open. I'm certain the cold rain beating steadily on the window and the sound of water under the tires of passing cars isn't helping. That is such a "naptime" setting. I'm rambling.

Boo made coffee this morning, warning me it was stout. I think it tastes fantastic and I would like a gallon. Perhaps an IV. But all is worth it! (well, the headache part doesn't really feel qualified). Last night was the Super Bowl and quite a fantastic party. I was able to make food, be ready on time, enjoy myself with friends and even have the placed cleaned up before going to bed. Perfect party! It was also my first party to host as an actual resident. A friend of a friend in from NYC told me my place was beautiful. - pat on the back -

Since moving in I've made a few decorative changes and think the place looks quite good myself. Loving the accolade. Oh, and the Saints won. That always helps. I wore my black and gold in support. And I currently need more coffee. I swear I only had 3 diabetic mimosas. I mean, full size plastic cup versions, but I used the good stuff. The black bottle, Freixnet, or something like that. It's fantastic. And Trop 50! Half the sugar and calories. Oh, whatever. I just need coffee.