Today was day two of bad news bears. I'm still smiling...ish. The window is open, the day is beautiful and I decided it was all so much I'm taking time for me instead of work. I'm organizing ITunes, playing online and about to paint my nails. I attempted to transfer my music from the past two computers onto the newer Mac and it just didn't quite work right. Fixing that. Dinner out and maybe an evening walk with the family.
Didn't I just boast about inner strength? How's that for irony? Ha!
I have it good and I will not complain. I am just working hard at smiling this afternoon.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Strength
Strength is a funny thing. It's obvious in body builders and weight trainers. Even the Jersey Shore types look like they have some pretty decent strength going on. I've gone back and forth with my muscle strength. Used to have a lot more than I do now.
Without sounding too cheesy and life-coachish, then there's inner strength. Not everyone has this. And mine has definitely wavered. I didn't have inner strength on the days I sat in the floor, leaning against the bed, too weak with heaving sobs to get in at the demise of a relationship. I didn't have inner strength standing on a corner in NYC, mere weeks from homelesseness, no savings and a job I was collapsing underneath, screaming into the phone at my mother scared for my life and how I was even going to eat.
I'm not that person anymore. I'm on the other side of NYC, the other side of that relationship, the other side of diagnosis. I'm stronger than I even know. I have inner strength. Which in my case means that I have faith.
I'm bad at praying. I forget to do it or fall asleep in the middle and I can never wake up early enough for a quiet time. But my Mom always told me to think of 10 things I'm grateful for every morning in the shower. It's my "prayer" of sorts.
1 - Boo
2 - My relationship with my family (now)
3 - My love and knowledge of the fashion industry
4 - Beautiful days
5 - My apartment
6 - Misty
7 - My dear amazing friends
8 - My businesses
9 - Sitting with the window open overlooking Uptown
10 - Smiles from strangers
I find myself, yet again, facing potential dire news and leaning on that inner strength again. Leaning on that faith. I will make it through. I am going to be OK. I'll look back on this from the other side. Leaning, relying, hoping.
It's easy to have faith on a beautiful day. It requires strength to have faith in the dark and gloomy days. I feel strong today. Thank God.
Without sounding too cheesy and life-coachish, then there's inner strength. Not everyone has this. And mine has definitely wavered. I didn't have inner strength on the days I sat in the floor, leaning against the bed, too weak with heaving sobs to get in at the demise of a relationship. I didn't have inner strength standing on a corner in NYC, mere weeks from homelesseness, no savings and a job I was collapsing underneath, screaming into the phone at my mother scared for my life and how I was even going to eat.
I'm not that person anymore. I'm on the other side of NYC, the other side of that relationship, the other side of diagnosis. I'm stronger than I even know. I have inner strength. Which in my case means that I have faith.
I'm bad at praying. I forget to do it or fall asleep in the middle and I can never wake up early enough for a quiet time. But my Mom always told me to think of 10 things I'm grateful for every morning in the shower. It's my "prayer" of sorts.
1 - Boo
2 - My relationship with my family (now)
3 - My love and knowledge of the fashion industry
4 - Beautiful days
5 - My apartment
6 - Misty
7 - My dear amazing friends
8 - My businesses
9 - Sitting with the window open overlooking Uptown
10 - Smiles from strangers
I find myself, yet again, facing potential dire news and leaning on that inner strength again. Leaning on that faith. I will make it through. I am going to be OK. I'll look back on this from the other side. Leaning, relying, hoping.
It's easy to have faith on a beautiful day. It requires strength to have faith in the dark and gloomy days. I feel strong today. Thank God.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Fingers Crossed
Bank application turned in this morning. Countdown begins. Possibly signing on some dotted lines in the coming weeks...
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I'm the lucky one
I could totally get used to this weather. Window open, curtains blowing, sun shining. Hurricane force winds could stand to disappear, but otherwise it's practically perfect and has been for days now.
Thursday was our Ft. Worth debut and we opened to good numbers. Not great, but definitely good. The caravan arrived, set up and didn't return until midnight. Jeff was an amazing musical addition, jamming out and taking requests. I think he garnered quite the following. And Kat networked like a professional. Hot Jen and I peddled our hearts out. It's all marketing, right?
Friday was a fantastic market with my 4 page spreadsheet, linking each company to the master. I cannot explain how fun it is to place real orders. And oh my goodness the cutest product. I cannot believe how lucky I am to work in clothing every day. It's just....blessed.
Saturday was even better. Misty and I took to the trail and walked/jogged 3 miles. I was impressed. She's 11! And it was my longest venture since being diagnosed and makes me feel like a real person again. I managed a tank tan spending a couple hours out and about walking through West Village and up and down the trail and just being! Breakfast on the roofdeck at Breadwinners. It just makes me smile to relive it.
And seriously, as if anyone deserves four great days in a row, today's a perfect Sunday. Woke up for Palm Sunday services and yet again reinforced how very very much I heart my church. It's a perfect marriage of the conservative church I grew up in and the contemporary I loved so much in the ATL. The apartment is clean, candles lit, IPod playing, March Madness on TV and curtains blowing in the wind from the open window, sunshine outside, dog sleeping at my feet inside. Group date dinner and a movie tonight.
I am blessed.
Thursday was our Ft. Worth debut and we opened to good numbers. Not great, but definitely good. The caravan arrived, set up and didn't return until midnight. Jeff was an amazing musical addition, jamming out and taking requests. I think he garnered quite the following. And Kat networked like a professional. Hot Jen and I peddled our hearts out. It's all marketing, right?
Friday was a fantastic market with my 4 page spreadsheet, linking each company to the master. I cannot explain how fun it is to place real orders. And oh my goodness the cutest product. I cannot believe how lucky I am to work in clothing every day. It's just....blessed.
Saturday was even better. Misty and I took to the trail and walked/jogged 3 miles. I was impressed. She's 11! And it was my longest venture since being diagnosed and makes me feel like a real person again. I managed a tank tan spending a couple hours out and about walking through West Village and up and down the trail and just being! Breakfast on the roofdeck at Breadwinners. It just makes me smile to relive it.
And seriously, as if anyone deserves four great days in a row, today's a perfect Sunday. Woke up for Palm Sunday services and yet again reinforced how very very much I heart my church. It's a perfect marriage of the conservative church I grew up in and the contemporary I loved so much in the ATL. The apartment is clean, candles lit, IPod playing, March Madness on TV and curtains blowing in the wind from the open window, sunshine outside, dog sleeping at my feet inside. Group date dinner and a movie tonight.
I am blessed.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
It's a beautiful day
Whew! Quick break with pink lemonade and blogging before diving back into work. Last night was fantastically fantabulous (yes, it was that good), but exhausting. I was in 5" heels for the first time in months, not to mention for 6 hours. But I rocked out my Abi Ferrin dress AND had a successful business night.
The raffle items were huge hits and everyone had a great night. All said and done, I raised $300 for the ADA and I couldn't be more thrilled for the response, turnout and fun times. I even left with requests for more events in the future. That's right. Leave 'em wanting more.
To celebrate, I took a faux workday and took my hot friend Jen to market to help me pick out items for tomorrow's event in The Worth. Lunch at Jake's and a stop at Michael's pretending to be creative. No rest for the weary. Another event awaits and another market this weekend. Good Lord, I would like a nap. What's this unemployment thing? I'm busier now than I've been since moving back to the South!
I suppose I'm getting into this picture thing, because here's a shot from last night.
Monday, March 22, 2010
It's All Coming Together
Tomorrow is my first event since NYE. Ironically, I met the D Mag writer that covered my NYE event and got me such a great turnout at coffee this morning. - Side bar. I heart the local coffee shop in trendy East-ish Dallas. I've been a handful of times now and this morning was the best. I met my super cute friend Tiffany for coffee and we ended up running into her D Mag friend (the aforementioned) and a sweet eavesdropper who not only donated to tomorrow's event, but put me in touch with her friend, the TV reporter, who might cover the event. Side bar over. -
I'm expecting a great turnout tomorrow. Not only is that great for the ADA, but if 21 people show up, I can cover my month's remaining expenses from the $5 I make per ticket. I think twice that is coming. Yeah for savings! Being a small business owner is fun and all, but not very lucrative in the beginning.
I have 16 raffles to give out in 2 hours ranging from $50-$325, all willingly donated by friends and strangers, all that think tomorrow is a good event for an even better cause!
I'm bubbling with excitement! Thank God, I needed a good day. This weekend was full of gross weather, cold, sweats, arguements trapped indoors together too long, insomnia and working at my computer the whole damn weekend. Ciao, cyber friends. I have a massage in an hour and mucho work to finish on an SBA application.
I'm expecting a great turnout tomorrow. Not only is that great for the ADA, but if 21 people show up, I can cover my month's remaining expenses from the $5 I make per ticket. I think twice that is coming. Yeah for savings! Being a small business owner is fun and all, but not very lucrative in the beginning.
I have 16 raffles to give out in 2 hours ranging from $50-$325, all willingly donated by friends and strangers, all that think tomorrow is a good event for an even better cause!
I'm bubbling with excitement! Thank God, I needed a good day. This weekend was full of gross weather, cold, sweats, arguements trapped indoors together too long, insomnia and working at my computer the whole damn weekend. Ciao, cyber friends. I have a massage in an hour and mucho work to finish on an SBA application.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Chocolate Cake from Heaven
I can't eat cake anymore. All cakes and cupcakes are LOADED with sugar and flour and I'll literally go into shock from too much of either. I tried eating a cupcake a couple months ago and was miserable and almost in the ER. Not worth it.
I'm always trying to prove how tasty healthy food can be because I can't have the unhealthy stuff anymore. So I set out to make a lemon cake for Boo's bday in December. I've yet to live it down. It was awful - well, for a birthday cake. It would have been great for breakfast served with coffee. Not sweet. My Mom once asked him the worst thing I've made. She didn't even finish asking before he jumped up, eyes wide, "My birthday cake!"
No cake for me - or so I thought. I believe the following recipe was created by angels and they blessed my kitchen while I baked it. It tastes FANTASTIC! And I ate it without a problem. So I had to share. It's the least I could do. Now, it sounds complicated, but it was actually super easy. With this and my sugar free cheesecakes, I'm set for life!
Flourless Chocolate Cake with Almonds
2 tablespoons trans-free margarine or unsalted butter (I used my reg tub of butter)
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup blanched almonds
1/2 cup sugar (I used Splenda)
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate
1/2 cup fat-free sour cream
2 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
5 egg whites, at room temp
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon toast almond slivers (I left out)
- Preheat oven to 350.
- Generously coat a 9" springform pan with 2 teaspoons of the margarine or butter and dust with cocoa powder. (Don't tap out the excess cocoa; leave it in the pan). (I melted my butter in the microwave and poured it in).
- In a food processor, combine the blanched almonds with 2 tablespoons of the sugar. Process until finely ground. (I used Splenda)
- In the top of a double broiler over barely simmering water, melt the chocolate and the remaining 4 teaspoons butter, stirring occasionally, until smooth. (I put directly in a pot on level 1 heat and stirred constantly so it didn't burn)
- Place chocolate mixture in a bowl. Add almond mixture, sour cream, sugar sub, egg yolks, vanilla, almond and 1/4 cup of remaining sugar. Stir until well blended. (Again, Splenda. I also stirred everything wth a spatula, including the heated chocolate. Worked better.)
- In a large bowl, with an electric mixer on high speed, beat the egg whites and salt until frothy. Gradually add the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, beating until stiff, glossy peaks form.
- Stir one-quarter of the beaten whites into the chocolate mixture to lighten it up. Gently fold in the remaining whites until no white streaks remain. Place in the prepared pan. Gently smooth the top. (Again, spatula).
- Bake for 30 minutes, or until the cake rises, the top is dry and a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out with a few moist crumbs.
- Place the pan on a rack and cool until warm. The cake will fall dramatically. Loosen the edges of the cake with a knife and remove the pan sides. Sprinkle with the toasted almonds, if using.
You're welcome. So freaking good. I'm off to have a piece...
I'm always trying to prove how tasty healthy food can be because I can't have the unhealthy stuff anymore. So I set out to make a lemon cake for Boo's bday in December. I've yet to live it down. It was awful - well, for a birthday cake. It would have been great for breakfast served with coffee. Not sweet. My Mom once asked him the worst thing I've made. She didn't even finish asking before he jumped up, eyes wide, "My birthday cake!"
No cake for me - or so I thought. I believe the following recipe was created by angels and they blessed my kitchen while I baked it. It tastes FANTASTIC! And I ate it without a problem. So I had to share. It's the least I could do. Now, it sounds complicated, but it was actually super easy. With this and my sugar free cheesecakes, I'm set for life!
Flourless Chocolate Cake with Almonds
2 tablespoons trans-free margarine or unsalted butter (I used my reg tub of butter)
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup blanched almonds
1/2 cup sugar (I used Splenda)
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate
1/2 cup fat-free sour cream
2 egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
5 egg whites, at room temp
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon toast almond slivers (I left out)
- Preheat oven to 350.
- Generously coat a 9" springform pan with 2 teaspoons of the margarine or butter and dust with cocoa powder. (Don't tap out the excess cocoa; leave it in the pan). (I melted my butter in the microwave and poured it in).
- In a food processor, combine the blanched almonds with 2 tablespoons of the sugar. Process until finely ground. (I used Splenda)
- In the top of a double broiler over barely simmering water, melt the chocolate and the remaining 4 teaspoons butter, stirring occasionally, until smooth. (I put directly in a pot on level 1 heat and stirred constantly so it didn't burn)
- Place chocolate mixture in a bowl. Add almond mixture, sour cream, sugar sub, egg yolks, vanilla, almond and 1/4 cup of remaining sugar. Stir until well blended. (Again, Splenda. I also stirred everything wth a spatula, including the heated chocolate. Worked better.)
- In a large bowl, with an electric mixer on high speed, beat the egg whites and salt until frothy. Gradually add the remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, beating until stiff, glossy peaks form.
- Stir one-quarter of the beaten whites into the chocolate mixture to lighten it up. Gently fold in the remaining whites until no white streaks remain. Place in the prepared pan. Gently smooth the top. (Again, spatula).
- Bake for 30 minutes, or until the cake rises, the top is dry and a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out with a few moist crumbs.
- Place the pan on a rack and cool until warm. The cake will fall dramatically. Loosen the edges of the cake with a knife and remove the pan sides. Sprinkle with the toasted almonds, if using.
You're welcome. So freaking good. I'm off to have a piece...
I'm not one for pictures in my blog
But I couldn't resist this one.
My dear Papaw was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Nov 2008. He passed Aug 2009, and in Nov 2009, my Mamaw went to the ER with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. She hasn't been on her own since. She's been in the hospital three times, intubated twice and in-between, living in a rehabilitation home. I visit her once a week and she's usually in bed. This last week she was in the beauty parlor when I got there! I couldn't resist a picture.
She was none too thrilled to have her picture taken, but I'm so happy to see her sitting up in a wheel chair and *almost* smiling.
Keep on keeping on...
My dear Papaw was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Nov 2008. He passed Aug 2009, and in Nov 2009, my Mamaw went to the ER with pneumonia and congestive heart failure. She hasn't been on her own since. She's been in the hospital three times, intubated twice and in-between, living in a rehabilitation home. I visit her once a week and she's usually in bed. This last week she was in the beauty parlor when I got there! I couldn't resist a picture.
She was none too thrilled to have her picture taken, but I'm so happy to see her sitting up in a wheel chair and *almost* smiling.
Keep on keeping on...
Friday, March 19, 2010
3 Cheers for Sunshine
Geared up for a beautiful day (the last for a while) armed with my Sam Edleman boots and my Beth Bowley sweater. Off to Southlake for a quick meeting and breakfast a la Starbucks. Then out to Grapevine for vintage/used furniture shopping for display tables for the store. Look out Dallas - it looks like I'm your newest small business owner...
SMILES!
SMILES!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I CAN'T EVEN! I mean, I am too exhausted. When did I sign up for 3am? After "holy shit", drama and "are you kidding me", it is 3am and I am TIRED, y'all. Quack, quack. Good night.
Bestie. Pinkberry, it's on tomorrow. I can wake up by then. Oh dear, Lord, with my head. Swimming, I tell you. Thank the Dear Lord Jesus, for he is wise and good and always knows. I know. He knows. It's time for bed with my love by my side. I am blessed. Good night.
Bestie. Pinkberry, it's on tomorrow. I can wake up by then. Oh dear, Lord, with my head. Swimming, I tell you. Thank the Dear Lord Jesus, for he is wise and good and always knows. I know. He knows. It's time for bed with my love by my side. I am blessed. Good night.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
um, can I?
listening to Dario G: Sunchyme
I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
Enough is enough
I have seen the dark side of 4:30am every morning for weeks now. I'm gritting and grinding down my pretty little teeth and sweating my way through every night. My Boo was frozen when I was blowing a fan directly on me. Menopause? That might be a welcome treat (albeit a decade or two too early). No, it's stress. And I've had it with my silly self and this stress balls thing!
The store will open or it won't. I'm meeting my third contractor today for a bid. It's freaking pricey. Everywhere we turn it's $6,000 for this and $5,000 for that and $24,000 for that. At least that's half of it. Dreams are expensive. Isn't that what they say? Wait, that doesn't sound right. Worth it? Pricey? The cost of your liver? Hold on, what?
I need some sleep!!!
The store will open or it won't. I'm meeting my third contractor today for a bid. It's freaking pricey. Everywhere we turn it's $6,000 for this and $5,000 for that and $24,000 for that. At least that's half of it. Dreams are expensive. Isn't that what they say? Wait, that doesn't sound right. Worth it? Pricey? The cost of your liver? Hold on, what?
I need some sleep!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
BREATHE!
listening to: The National - Fake Empire, The Killers - All These Things I've Done
That is what I keep having to tell myself. I'm in meeting after meeting about opening this store and I haven't been able to catch my breath in over a week. I actually woke up this morning at 4:30am clutching my heart. Apparently my sleeping self felt I could ward off my heart from leaping out of my chest with my bare hands. Kind of a reverse "Raiders of the Lost Ark" thing.
This is seriously just really, really, reallyreallyreally exciting!
Jinx! *knock on wood*
That is what I keep having to tell myself. I'm in meeting after meeting about opening this store and I haven't been able to catch my breath in over a week. I actually woke up this morning at 4:30am clutching my heart. Apparently my sleeping self felt I could ward off my heart from leaping out of my chest with my bare hands. Kind of a reverse "Raiders of the Lost Ark" thing.
This is seriously just really, really, reallyreallyreally exciting!
Jinx! *knock on wood*
Monday, March 8, 2010
Dinner is Served
and yes, it's 9 in the morning.
There is something so peaceful about having the crockpot rocking before you even take a bite of breakfast. I'll admit, it's a bit housewifey, but for some reason today I do not mind at all. Coffee in hand, tummy full and dinner stewing and brewing.
Off to a morning of real estate meetings. OMG, this store is really going to happen!
There is something so peaceful about having the crockpot rocking before you even take a bite of breakfast. I'll admit, it's a bit housewifey, but for some reason today I do not mind at all. Coffee in hand, tummy full and dinner stewing and brewing.
Off to a morning of real estate meetings. OMG, this store is really going to happen!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I think I can, I think I can
It's going to be a good day. Slept in until 8:30 while the boyfriend had a breakfast meeting. Jumped out of bed and haven't looked back. In one hour I've unpacked both our bags from this past weekend, sorted all the laundry, done dishes, unpacked our recent order, put away the rolling rack from the living room floor (been there for a week) and got the stuff ready for my meeting this afternoon.
Lunch date with a bestie on a beautiful, sunny, almost 60-degree day, coffee in hand in an on-the-way-to-clean apt. I'm feeling motivated. Now let's just hope I keep it. (I made a to do list while eating my yogurt and whole grain english muffin this morning, just in case).
I loaded my external hard drive with my old ITunes from the last 2 computers and transferred to my new one and synced the IPhone. I even got the mini piles put away from the bedroom floor since I moved in! Now I can bring in one of the two boxes from my car that I still haven't even brought in since moving.
When I get low I'll just repeat my mantra, I think I can, I think I can. And then take a swig of my Sofia can I bought at Cork the other day. Champagne in a can. Genius!
Lunch date with a bestie on a beautiful, sunny, almost 60-degree day, coffee in hand in an on-the-way-to-clean apt. I'm feeling motivated. Now let's just hope I keep it. (I made a to do list while eating my yogurt and whole grain english muffin this morning, just in case).
I loaded my external hard drive with my old ITunes from the last 2 computers and transferred to my new one and synced the IPhone. I even got the mini piles put away from the bedroom floor since I moved in! Now I can bring in one of the two boxes from my car that I still haven't even brought in since moving.
When I get low I'll just repeat my mantra, I think I can, I think I can. And then take a swig of my Sofia can I bought at Cork the other day. Champagne in a can. Genius!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Stop looking at me, Swan
LISTENING TO: CORINNE BAILEY RAE
I am claustrophobic. Not like I regularly have trouble breathing in small spaces, but as in my current environment is closing in around me. I can see the dust on things. I feel the clutter piling up and see the residue on the counters. It feels like everything is closing in around me and I am about to explode!
I always do this every so often. It isn't anything a good clean won't fix; however, I am spoiled and would like a cleaning lady to do a deep scrub of the apt. I am great at cleaning my own place, but now I live with a boy and he is like the dusty kid on Charlie Brown. Crap lands everywhere he stands. It's actually quite unbelievable. And I cannot keep the place clean with him in it. It's driving me claustrophobic!!
And I am way the hell too broke to pay a cleaning lady. Is there a holiday coming up I can ask that as my present? Otherwise, I will be spending my evening and part of my day tomorrow with a feather duster, a vacuum and some Comet. Good thing my nails are already chipping from my last attempt at an at-home manicure last week.
Until I break down and just do it myself (yet again), I am GOING CRAZY over here in the mess. I see it everywhere and it's distracting me. No, I can't finish that email or make that call because the dirt is mocking me. The dog is even gross. GROSS!
Stop looking at me! Ugh, I've lost it.
I am claustrophobic. Not like I regularly have trouble breathing in small spaces, but as in my current environment is closing in around me. I can see the dust on things. I feel the clutter piling up and see the residue on the counters. It feels like everything is closing in around me and I am about to explode!
I always do this every so often. It isn't anything a good clean won't fix; however, I am spoiled and would like a cleaning lady to do a deep scrub of the apt. I am great at cleaning my own place, but now I live with a boy and he is like the dusty kid on Charlie Brown. Crap lands everywhere he stands. It's actually quite unbelievable. And I cannot keep the place clean with him in it. It's driving me claustrophobic!!
And I am way the hell too broke to pay a cleaning lady. Is there a holiday coming up I can ask that as my present? Otherwise, I will be spending my evening and part of my day tomorrow with a feather duster, a vacuum and some Comet. Good thing my nails are already chipping from my last attempt at an at-home manicure last week.
Until I break down and just do it myself (yet again), I am GOING CRAZY over here in the mess. I see it everywhere and it's distracting me. No, I can't finish that email or make that call because the dirt is mocking me. The dog is even gross. GROSS!
Stop looking at me! Ugh, I've lost it.
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