Ladies and gentlemen, be advised. Do not, I repeat, do not take this review lightly if you have a sensitivity to Ed Hardy, Affliction or Juicy Couture. If the bling has been known to give you a headache from the reflection off of all the sunglasses worn indoors or if you've ever been on the wrong side of a fist pump, I firmly advise against visiting The Patio Grill on a weekend.
We went to watch the playoff game and cheer for the boys in blue last weekend and ended up at the shit show that is Sundays at Patio Grill. Here's a recap of what I witnessed:
- Some fake blonde in a bedazzled Cowboys jersey
- A quilted leopard print purse and a lip piercing
- A black glittered cheerleader skirt with NOTHING underneath
- Rhinestone headbands
- Neon green, rhinestone studded MEN'S shirt
- tattooed Audigier, rhinstoned MEN'S shirt
- basically, guys more blinged out and in tighter tshirts than the girls they were with
- Pink bedazzled Ed Hardy trucker hat with blonde braids
- Gold, fur-trimmed Juicy jacket with 1990's bare midriff
- Pink Romo jersey with a studded clutch
- A "not so lap dog" being carried, yet also carrying a big purse and dog carrier on her arm with scarf and sunglasses worn indoors
- A Snuggie
- Some chick lifting her shirt at the table next to us
- A guy asking if we're "going to blaze later"
The world could have flooded and we'd stay afloat on all the silicone in that joint. Not to mention my main question - When did the Jersey Shore become aspirational instead of the punchline? I saw actual fist pumping!
And to top it all off, it took over 2 hours to get food, which is a big health risk for those of you that know me. I left the bar hysterical, crying and headed home across the street. I finally returned with a hat on and spent the rest of the night vowing to share how much I loathe the Patio Grill on McKinney Ave on weekends.
Just to be fair - I've walked by on weeknights and it looks like a chill place to spend a happy hour on a nice day. I'll have to try that next time.
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