Fantastic Relaxation

This was a great weekend. Three days of 4th festivities with friends, all feeling a bit on the grown-up side. I sincerely loved it. And I even found myself able to relax enough by Monday evening to look around and take a deep breathe, appreciative of the evening. For the most part, I spend events either running around taking care of things or feeling on the outside. Since reading my highly mentioned book, I'm doing better about both.

My self esteem isn't based on others perceptions of me.

Saturday Boo's parents came in to toast the new store and check out what we're up to. After a long day with them we headed to Addison for our recently married friends. It was a casual get-together with burgers, beer, fun times and then fireworks. We hiked to a nearby bridge to watch the local shenanigans.

Sunday we hosted the pool portion of the weekend, but it was really so calm and quiet. The ladies lounged in the sun and the guys sat around the food. You know you've reached adulthood when there's more food (and gourmet food) than beer at your parties. I made a tomato, basil, bell pepper salad tossed in olive oil, balsamic vinegar, lemon zest, salt and pepper. And a low fat ricotta processed with lemon juice, Splenda and vanilla extract, topped with fresh berries in lemon juice and Splenda. And firecracker burgers made with cayenne, spicy mustard and red onions. The other ladies contributed slow roasted pulled pork, "potato" salad made with cauliflower and taboulleh. So exciting!

We finished off the weekend with a couples viewing of the Bachelorette and a rooftop hotdog cookout. It sincerely couldn't have been a better weekend leading up to a crazy week of store-ness.

Angry Email

I am beyond frustrated with my contractor. I send him emails, leave him voicemails and even have resorted to text messages. All ignored. I don't know if it's because I'm a female, I'm a smaller project or he just plain finds me annoying, but I do not care. The man is making money off of my store and he didn't need to take the job if he didn't want it. So here is my recent email. We can title it: Vented frustration after fireworks and 1/2 a bottle of Chardonnay:

Hi XXX,

I will begin by being upfront and telling you that I am incredibly frustrated. I realize that I am not a big job for you nor making you a lot of money; however, I am still trying to open a business and feel I deserve a little more respect.

I have yet to receive confirmation on any of my questions regarding timing for lighting installation, wiring, flooring, etc. The dressing rooms were initially done incorrectly. They are now perfect and look great, though. I have never seen a blueprint for the space, even though I told you that I am contractually obligated to produce them for [the landlord] in 3 copies. I am trying to make appointments for installations and deliveries based on work being finished and I have no answers on timing.

The original quotes for a double-sided sign was $3157. Now it's higher, even though the sign is now only one-sided. And again, [the landlord] has yet to approve because we need more information. How is it that it increased in cost? What else is going to increase on the quote? I need to sign off on any increases as they occur.

Additionally, for the existing speaker holes, since I have been unable to get any feedback on something economical, do you have an industrial ladder I can use and I will have laminate cut at Home Depot and use a cordless drill to fill them myself?

I truly appreciate the work that has been done and that you are working with me when I hear back from you. I know you are busy with larger projects; however, I am required to work with you under my lease with Shops at Legacy and would appreciate more communication when it comes to the opening of my store.

Please let me know about timing and why a 1-sided sign is more expensive than the 2-sided.

Again, thank you for what you have done for us so far and the work yet to be done. I genuinely love the space, the work and look forward to the finished product.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

UPDATE:

We had a phone chat at 8am this morning and all is well and good in store land. Opening the doors Tuesday next week (pending any more setbacks)...

Book Corner

I just finished reading Robert McGee's "The Search for Significance" and I do not have enough good things to say about it. I've struggled with self esteem my whole life, leading to depression and emotional roller coasters. All of that leads to isolation, sarcasm, bitterness, etc.

Am I cured? Not yet. Do I have a better understanding as to why I feel the way I do and how to move forward? Yes.

And now I can finish "The End of Fashion." Also fascinating, but because it analyzes the end of couture and the creation of consumer-centric fashion. The science of fashion - I love it.

Just a thought

I can't wait to move my office and all of this product out of the apartment. I can't wait to go to work away from the apartment every day. I can't wait to have my own place to go, my own things to do. I can't wait to have my boyfriend back instead of a business partner. I can't wait. But then again, it's just a thought.

Ran-dom Dreams

I had the oddest dream last night. However, I am thankful for a good enough sleep that I slumbered far enough into dream land that I remembered it. But it was odd.

It was Boo and two exes - the most recent jerk and the actor from LA. The actor made an appearance - nice enough of him - but was mainly a no-show. Per usual. And even Boo was short-lived. The main theme was the recent-ish ex. He was in the hospital with a broken ankle/foot/toe something. But the whole family was there. We were definitely over, but trying to figure out why. His sweet youngest sister and I hung out and his Mom and I chatted. Because I must drop acid in my water before I sleep, before the dream was over he became a dog, Lassie style, alas with a busted foot. And as he approached me I knew it was him, even though as a Lassie dog and we continued communicating.

I woke up and was in a dream haze of good times with the ex. But then I shook my head and remembered that whole cheater, yelling, meanie thing and went back to life.

Ran-dom.

Mamaw & Papaw

Words for my Mamaw

I grew up spending vacations, holidays and 3-day weekends with Mamaw & Papaw. I remember sun tea brewing by the pool and getting lunch on plastic plates under the umbrella table. Mamaw & Papaw’s house meant riding the train, going to the zoo and riding the skytram, playing in the pool and food. There were always meals. We ate at every table in the house and every meal was an occasion.

Now that we’re older, when Mamaw got sick, I was hesitant to hang out with her for hours each week. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my grandmother the whole time.

I was actually really shocked to find out what a smart-alec she was. She was hilarious. She had this dry wit and would come out of nowhere with these comments. I remember in the ER over Christmas the nurse taking forever to do something and she sat there and rolled her eyes behind the nurses back and we held back our snickers. Mom said the second the tube came out the first time she was intubated she could barely speak, but she made sure Mom heard her and said, “Don’t do that again.” It was kind of shocking to see that side of Mamaw.

I think Mamaw spent most of her life being proper. But towards the end, when she’d lost all of her pride, I saw her as this real person. She was funny and she had a sharp wit. She loved having afternoon tea, her favorite was green tea. She loved Atkins chocolate coconut bars and Pirates Booty. She liked to watch Golden Girls. She loved spending time with her family. Her face would literally light up every week when I came to see her. We would sit for hours and talk. We chatted about runway shows and how many women did Tiger Woods really cheat with. I wasn’t her nurse and I didn’t help her with anything medical, but we became friends.

I held her hand when she was sad over Nellie and I hugged her when she missed Papaw. I covered her walls with pictures of her family and made sure she told every nurse that came by about each person on the wall. We bonded over diabetic snacks. She shared stories about her life before Papaw I’d never heard before. I miss her.

Last Saturday I celebrated my 30th birthday at home. I was able to see her calm and peaceful - completely happy and content. She talked about the birds feeding schedules outside her window and how great the food was at her new digs. She bowed her head to pray with us and sat calmly across the hall while we ate dinner. And every time we’d look over at her she’d give us a thumbs up and occasionally yell over that she couldn’t hear a thing we were saying. I sat down and played piano for her for an hour. And we just talked. She looked at me and said, “I know I don’t have much longer, but I’m so grateful for being home.” She was happy. She knew. And she was ready.

I will forever cherish the fact that I was able to see her as more than the Mamaw that put salt on her watermelon and was back in the kitchen fixing the next meal the very second we finished the first.

I have two favorite verses: 1 Cor 13:13 and Phil 1:3. Chapter 13 of Corinthians is known as the Love chapter. I have never seen two people that better exemplify love than Mamaw & Papaw. I hope that one day I can set that example for the generations beyond me. It isn’t a coincidence that she joined Papaw in time for their 63rd wedding anniversary. She wanted to be with him again. And perhaps my all-time favorite is Phil 1:3. I thank My God every time I remember you. And I do.