There you are

Coffee, candle, Adult Alternative on the TV radio station. A calm, peacefulness. This moment has alluded me for weeks, but without even trying I looked out the window, took a deep breath and here it is.

There's nothing calm about my life right now. It has layers and layers of stress and when you peel one back, there's another waiting in the wings. I moved in with the boyfriend after being diagnosed with a chronic illness that's been flaring up for weeks and keeping us both on ER watch, launching two new businesses after losing my job, COBRA and unemployment running out in a matter of months and only an idea of how to handle both, based on the success of one of said new businesses. Add on vocal family disapproval of my living situation, grandmother deteriorating in a hospital and my life could be a dramatic series on Lifetime. But it is not.

Calm, peacefulness. Hope for what's about to happen in my life. Being my own boss, being able to make the decisions and bask in the glory and with that comes the stress. But yet, what I've always wanted. I'm sitting with wet hair and no makeup in slippers at my desk at home at 10:30AM with a Cookie Crunch candle burning and coffee out of my SMU Alumni mug. And bonus? A moment to sit down and write out how grateful I am for where I'm at in all of this craziness.

However, now I need to put myself in FFwd and finish up all my current loose ends on both positions with an event coming up and invites and press due, an interview for potential commission-based wedding planning next week, a proposal for a possible wedding client to put together, orders to chase from market, a press kit to build, a store to plan... calm, peacefulness. calm, peacefulness.

Obsessed

Don't give me grief. I don't want to hear it. You love it and if you don't you're just jealous. That's what I say. I will buy and wear this harem pantsuit from Free People this year. The sucky part is that I found it last year, totally died over it and allowed myself to be talked out of it by literally everyone I showed it to. It's now back and at full price. Why? Because the harem pant is JUST GETTING STARTED. Just you wait...everywhere...yup...deal with it.

Jealous. You are. Because I will be rocking this out all Spring and Summer and in two years from now you'll start thinking it's cool.

And just for giggles, I'm wearing my furry muklucks today too. Oh yeah, they're coming back.

Party in the USA

So apparently I'm still capable of a hangover. However (thankfully) they are subtle and caused by a minimal amount of adult beverages. No matter that cause, I did not want to get out of bed this morning and am still walking around with my eyes half open. I'm certain the cold rain beating steadily on the window and the sound of water under the tires of passing cars isn't helping. That is such a "naptime" setting. I'm rambling.

Boo made coffee this morning, warning me it was stout. I think it tastes fantastic and I would like a gallon. Perhaps an IV. But all is worth it! (well, the headache part doesn't really feel qualified). Last night was the Super Bowl and quite a fantastic party. I was able to make food, be ready on time, enjoy myself with friends and even have the placed cleaned up before going to bed. Perfect party! It was also my first party to host as an actual resident. A friend of a friend in from NYC told me my place was beautiful. - pat on the back -

Since moving in I've made a few decorative changes and think the place looks quite good myself. Loving the accolade. Oh, and the Saints won. That always helps. I wore my black and gold in support. And I currently need more coffee. I swear I only had 3 diabetic mimosas. I mean, full size plastic cup versions, but I used the good stuff. The black bottle, Freixnet, or something like that. It's fantastic. And Trop 50! Half the sugar and calories. Oh, whatever. I just need coffee.

Oh good grief

I'm not sure how to explain how I'm feeling right now. I guess I'll just start at the beginning. Brittany Murphy and Casey Johnson recently died, both having diabetes. I, too, was recently diagnosed and am working hard at figuring it out every day. But it's scary to have something chronic and not even just that, but to be in the 5% with Type-1, more prone for health issues. As far as causes of death, it turns out Brittany had pneumonia and anemia and instead of going to the doctor, self medicated, therefore complicating the situation and collapsing. That's a lesson in itself.


But Casey Johnson died of Diabetic Ketoacidosis - which means her blood sugar was so high for so long that her body shut down, placing her in a coma. Most diabetics are actually diagnosed this way. Insulin lowers your blood sugar, so if you aren't taking it because you don't know that you need it, then your blood sugar remains way too high, eventually leading to a coma. People collapse and are diagnosed in the ER. I am a slave to Web MD when I don't feel well and diagnosed myself. The doctor told me that I was days away from collapsing and ending up in the ER myself. I had Diabetic Ketoacidosis. I had what Casey Johnson died from.

Diabetics don't die just from slipping into a coma. When they are treated right away they come out on the other side; however, she was alone. She lay unconscious alone and died. From high blood sugar.

So I suppose it's understandable to say that I can't really explain how I feel right now. I take my insulin. I adhere to a diet. I work hard to take care of myself to the point that I am so stressed I can't sleep at night and my boyfriend and I fight. This does not help my attitude. It terrifies me.

But I found something I think that will help me. I met with a rep for the America Diabetes Assocation's Dallas office because I am going to do a fundraiser. I'm planning a networking happy hour at a local restaurant for the community to get together, meet & greet and get to know each other. And in addition, I'm donating the proceeds to the ADA. There is over $4 million in diabetic research in North Texas alone. I'm donating to that research. Casey had Type-1. There is currently no cure. Type-2 can be prevented and in some cases cured. This is 95% of all cases. But for those of us in that 5%, I want to do something. For myself.