Changes

Life is changing and I'm not quite sure I'm ready. I'm welcoming the good, of course. Don't we all? But as life moves on, not all changes are always easy. And this particular instance of change is anything but easy. Anything at all. My heart is so heavy as I even try and figure out how to say anything.

I took my dear sweet Misty to the vet this morning. Things haven't been easy for a while and I was hoping instead of old age there'd be a simple pill to make her the puppy I've loved for over 13 years again. Somehow I knew it wouldn't be that simple. It's like that quote from Steel Magnolia's character Truvy - "Time marches on, and sooner or later you realize it's marching right across your face." I'm not actually sure how accurate that is to this moment, but it seems cynical and real enough to work.

The vet told me this morning that Misty has a brain tumor and is rapidly suffering functionality, vision, hearing, muscle, etc. She started steroids this morning. But the vet is only giving her a few days to show improvement before he makes us talk about next steps. I feel empty and numb, like I'm slowly drifting into a dark and comforting depression. That usually follows the extreme tears that poured upon learning what I feel somehow I already knew.

The prognosis isn't completely tragic and there's a chance for a few years if her body decides to fight. But after watching her have a seizure this morning, and realizing it wasn't her first, I'm coming to terms that this is just another change in life as it moves on around me. I'm just clinging on, legs flying behind me as it moves so fast it's blowing my hair back, flinging me along with the bumps and mountains.

My dear sweet Misty-Miss. My heart, my love. The truest, longest relationship I've ever had and I can't imagine one day without her.