Don't worry about throwing me a parade

So this morning was the Step Out 5K. I've been gearing up for it since the day I was diagnosed last year. I've seen pictures and videos of walks in other cities or for other diseases. I needed this day as a celebration of what I've conquered this last year. Yes, I am supported, but no one truly understands what it's like unless they actually understand what it's like. I wanted a red shirt and hat, to be an out and proud diabetic. I didn't want to finagle my tester and sugar pills into a clutch, hide my pump in my clothes and still feel cute. I wanted to fit in. And I wanted to be celebrated.

As with any event for thousands of people, it was very unorganized. After standing in three different lines, we were all checked in and received our Tshirts. So I headed to the Red tent, which was sad, empty, cold and had nothing but a simple cotton hat. Even the "freebies" from the restaurant sponsors seemed confused they were at a diabetes event. They had lemonade and sugar muffins, drinks without carbs listed, etc. My family stocked up on the goodies while I kept to the breakfast I'd meticulously selected for the walk. Nothing at my fundraiser that celebrated me or made me feel that inclusion I'd been hoping for.

Then we stood around without guidance for an hour. Suddenly, people start walking. No cheering, no gun, no yelling, nothing to start it out except noticing a herd of people start out towards the marked track. So off we went. I listened to my IPod and intermittently talked with my Mom - my Dad and boyfriend walking behind us. No one cheered, no one seemed to care. And I realized something.

I wanted this to be a celebration, to make me feel rewarded for figuring this thing out for the last year. But it was just another day as a diabetic. I walked the 3.2 miles, focusing internally to make sure my blood sugar was good, held my water so I'd stay hydrated and walked as if it was any other day. I had my super small, tight support group that's been there since day one, but it was pretty much any other day. There is no celebration and there won't ever be. I'm sick. I deal with it. And I will continue to do so every day - without a parade.