XOXO

I have transitioned my spare time back into my love of music, fashion, decorating and all things fabulous!

Check out my newly revamped Mathena Style Blog - mathenastyle.blogspot.com

XOXO - Jana

Ta ta for now ...

This blog is insanely boring and self serving. I'm just saying. I think I'm going to let it go for a while, possibly trash all previous posts and start over with something I love, something I can contribute. Something worthwhile!

Diabetic Life? Recipes? Favorite things no matter what? A re-creation of Mathena Style? Fashion? Dallas life? Living NYC style in the south? Or just following my life but with actual tips, updates, links and things.

I'll be in touch. Lots to think about.

Afternoon Tea

I've reenacted my old daily tradition of afternoon green tea. Back in the NY Fashion office we all drank a green tea + splenda every afternoon. La Lohan started it, but it really does have antioxidant effects and is really good for you.

I've been doing the SF Red Bull for months every afternoon, but I must say, I enjoy the hot tea today. Sermon in the background (although I'm obviously barely listening), hot tea by the cash register and the door propped open on a beautiful 65-degree afternoon. And I have small group this evening! Again - finding the positive. Have I seen a single person today? No. Is our Plano store in a negative right now? Absolutely. But I'm finding positives. The time for blogging, tea and sermons. Positive.

Now let's get some sales! :)

And I'm up again

Today was day #1 of stumbling in my new desire for positivity. But even though I've been sad and felt a little beat up today, I didn't cave into the total meltdown I know is possible. I actually had a long talk with my Mom today about my pace in life and anxiety and that it's possible Scott doesn't even know me.

Being in a relationship for over three years, you would think he'd be learning little bits about me every day because he knew me for the most part as a whole. But I'm afraid he's only known this high-octane, anxious person that hasn't been able to handle all life has thrown at her. And that's not who I want to be, nor who I've been most of my life.

So, check one for the stumble. It's absolutely going to happen a million more times; it's just how I handle it that matters. Only 2.5 more hours until I can get home and be over the work part of today. Bring on the glass of wine and finally putting Christmas away.

Beautiful day in this beautiwood

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. It began with candles lit and a little Guiliana and Bill on TV, then some Buzzbrews breakfast and now a stunning day at the south store with the door open and the music turned up. I'm going to make sure I see the positive all day.

In fact, while I was enjoying my oatmeal and coffee, a Cowboys player showed up shopping at our north store! We are officially doing something good when professional athletes are shopping. And I needed to hear that this morning. One of my friends closed her restaurant yesterday after three years of business. It makes me so sad to see the cycle of the small business.

Hopefully we're still on our upswing and things can only get better. Hey - the sun is shining!

Happy New Year

And yes it will be. Tis the season for self reflection and promises of personal betterment. I haven't really believed in New Years resolutions, but there is something I truly need to focus on this year and that is myself and well being. I need more candles, hot tea, quiet reflection, prayer and gratitude. I need to become happier with me and appreciative of everything around me. In the with positive and out with the negative.

In the stress of life over the last couple years I have become an increasingly self conscious and insecure person, needy to those around me and unable to cope. It all began on the downhill with the ex and his desire to control me, slowly eating away at my self confidence. But honestly that was long enough ago that it's beyond time to reclaim my life and live in this amazingness that I have now. I'm seeking anti-stress and anxiety medication, which will hopefully be a short-term assistance to the happier life I'm seeking.

But I am a crazy lucky girl. I have an amazing man who loves me and changed his life to help better mine. He may not be the most romantic, but relationships aren't made of grand gestures, but of every day life. I own my own business and successfully, I might add. I have a fantastic house in my dream neighborhood and my sweet little Misty is finishing out her life in peace with a yard and personal space. My family is loving and supportive and close by; my boyfriend's family has taken me in as their own as I am without expectation of change. I have collected great friends along my life across the World and with modern technology I'm able to appreciate and love them.

New Year. New Positive Energy. It begins today. And I'm the only one that can commit to make the change. Relying on other people for happiness is part of how I got here in the first place! I make my own happy place and I control my reactions to life.

"The power of your thoughts can open any door and you can set yourself free." - Lucy MacDonald, M. Ed.

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”- Oprah Winfrey

"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." - Henry David Thoreau

"I thank my God every time I remember you." - Phil 1:3

Perspective

I'm not going to lie; it has been a rough year. I've worked harder than I ever thought possible. And what sucks is the voice in the back of my head telling me it's not enough. Well, sometimes it's a voice out loud too. I think that I can't be the only person working this hard and maybe I'm just a wuss about it.

But then I see posts from friends about how they tried a new restaurant, or went to the gym or planned an arts and crafts night with friends and I think - do they just continue on when I tire out? Or is my life completely imbalanced with work and no down time? I feel like I'm closing in on having to make a life choice and I wish someone would just alleviate a few things and I won't have to.

I know there are many worse things out there and people working harder and suffering more, but I am tired, sore and broken down and it's enough for me. I'm just working really hard at my perspective. Really hard ...